Reversing the Aging Process

17 Jun

Big sisters are particularly accomplished at not mincing their words, well mine is anyway, she’s been not mincing since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I was having my weekly catch up with the rellies back home, Dad was still amazed by the wonders of modern technology “incredible what they do these days isn’t, to think you can see us and we can see you and, just incredible”. Mum was deep in chatter with Max and my sister was telling it to me like it is. “Parenting has definitely aged you. Don’t get me wrong you’re still baby faced on account of not being capable of growing any facial hair but I’ve noticed in some of your pictures you have some greys coming through and the crows feet situation is in decline”.

Normally I fire back with something equal parts witty and cutting but this time I held up my hands, “you’re right Sis, parenting does age you, guilty as charged”. I have clocked the growing army of greys and I remain relatively calm about that situation, I can work with grey. Although I will look a little odd if I combine baby face with grey. But I am aggrieved to be sporting not just you’re regular run of the mill crow’s feet, these crows have in excess of 10 toes apiece, deformed crow’s feet!
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My morning routine now includes 2 minutes of pushing and pressing the over seized baggage that has formed overnight and set up base under my eyes, in the hope that they finds their way somewhere useful like my lips or my Adams Apple. The eyes certainly seem to cop it in these days of sleep deprivation (in truth Max is an excellent sleeper and it’s my own addiction to watching box sets into the wee hours that’s to blame) and as well as bags and deformed crow’s feet, the eyeballs themselves are criss-crossed with little enflamed blood vessels for that blood shot look that’s so ‘in’ this season.

Not one to be defeated by common sense, harsh reality or scientific evidence, I turn to my dear friend Google for advice on how to reverse the process of aging. Acupuncture, Botox and plastic surgery were all dismissed on account of involving big, sharp, pointy, needles. Instead I am going to hit aging where it hurts with potatoes, cucumber, chamomile tea and my fingers – take that aging!
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Apparently, as well as responding well to being deep fried and doused in salt, potatoes contain Catecholase which is used in some cosmetics as a skin lightener, who knew? Next I rummaged through our fridge and found the end of a cucumber, I suspect it was intended to be a critical element of Max’s lunch but some things are more important. 2 x slices of icy cold cucumbery goodness can “help to reduce puffiness and helps to diminish dark circles quickly” – bingo bango! There isn’t much a nice cup of tea can’t fix, only this time you don’t drink it you slap two soaked and drained Chamomile tea bags over your eyes for twenty minutes, or as long as it takes for your partner to lose their patience and throw them in the bin, about two minutes if you have a really patient partner like me.
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The piece de resistance is known as Yo-Tox, a non surgical facelift using facial yoga and energy points to drain fluid from the eye area. And don’t worry if any of that sounded like bullshit, it comes straight out of Manhattan and no lies have ever came out of that place. This is how you get your Yo-Tox on – Sit cross-legged and place the first two fingers of each hand on either side of your nose about an inch down from the center of your eyes. This is an ayurvedic energy point. Keep a light pressure, close your eyes, and turn your eyes upwards in your head to gaze at the third-eye point – between your eyebrows. Stay for 5-10 seconds and repeat as needed to help reduce puffiness and stimulate the drainage of fluid from the eye area.”
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So there you have it parent pals, late nights, little sleep, healthy portions of stress all wreak havoc in and around the eyes but with potato, tea bags, cucumber and Yo-Tox you too can turn back the clock to your glory days. Having reviewed the before and after shots I have conclusively prove that I just wasted two perfectly good tea bags, a critical element of Max’s lunch and what could have been a plate of chips. What’s your secret to keeping things looking and feeling fresh?

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19 Responses to “Reversing the Aging Process”

  1. IrishMum June 17, 2013 at 10:10 am #

    LOL! You eejit! You look as fresh as a baby’s bottom!!

    • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 10:28 am #

      Tell that to my big sister! I knew it wouldn’t be long before you called me an eejit, now who’s being original ; )

      • IrishMum June 17, 2013 at 10:31 am #

        LOL! I couldn’t help it! I favour some other choice words, but they are not for the net :)

  2. Villanueva June 17, 2013 at 10:17 am #

    :)

  3. Neets June 17, 2013 at 10:25 am #

    I hear you with the crows feet Matt…wish I’d known these tips before my wedding in feb this year. Oh well, will I’ll have to just settle for Photoshop! :)

    • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 10:30 am #

      Bloody crows! I need to learn how to use Photoshop, purely for blogging purposes of course.

  4. Mum of Five Girls... (@VeronicaNeal101) June 17, 2013 at 10:34 am #

    Turn the lights off lol !!!!

    • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 10:57 am #

      Very drastic Veronica, maybe a dimmer switch will do for now : )

  5. peopledonteatenoughfudge June 17, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    Alcohol’s a preservative isn’t it? Steamy/dusty mirrors are also my friend and I’ve found that once you pass 40 your eyesight starts to fail just enough so that you don’t really notice the odd line, wrinkle or grey hair anyway unless you have a big sister (and I have three!!) ready to point them out for you.

    • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 10:56 am #

      Alcohol and dusty mirrors are both common place here, so thats good news. And by the way, i didn’t have you down as over 40 so you’re doing something right.

      • peopledonteatenoughfudge June 17, 2013 at 8:55 pm #

        and because that’s made my day I’ve shared the post on Fudges page – it’s gone out to a whole 19 other people!!!

      • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

        Every little one counts Sarah, thanks for sharing

  6. rickfarrar June 17, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

    Tell Laura that what she is seeing is called the maturing process. Something she will learn in time.

  7. Kassey June 17, 2013 at 10:29 pm #

    Yo-tox
    *Chuckle chuckle*
    Who on earth thinks of this?
    With age comes wisdom & that can only be a good thing I reckon.

    • daddownunder June 17, 2013 at 10:42 pm #

      Just enough wisdom to know that yotox is a load of old cobblers Kassey

  8. Have a laugh on me June 18, 2013 at 3:27 am #

    You crack me up – totally going to try Yo-Tox – especially considering Tox is the first part of my maiden name! I think you’re rocking those smile lines as I like to call them. And salt n’ pepper is HOT my friend – my hubby has been rocking that look for 15 years :) Em

    • daddownunder June 18, 2013 at 6:01 am #

      You crack me up – having Tox in your surname is not a good enough reason : ) Smile lines and salt n pepper, that sounds so much better – I’m having that!

  9. Dominique June 19, 2013 at 9:38 am #

    Omg that first picture of you and Max is way too cute! I miss the chubby baby stage. My son used to have 4 rolls in the space between his groin and his knee. As far as ageing goes I hope to age gracefully, and in Australia the best thing you can do to prevent ageing skin is “slip slop slap”.

    • daddownunder June 19, 2013 at 9:49 am #

      I look back at some of the pics when he was at his chubbiest and I barely recognise him, very funny. Yeah I’m slowly learning that I can’t get away with some of the slip slop slap negligence i could in England. Thanks for commenting Dominique.

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