In a previous post I confessed that a boy was top of my wish list – I want to kick the footy around with my son, go fishing together, teach him how to undo a bra with one hand (nimble, slender fingers are the key) and all that other boy stuff. The problem is that Max is already out-boying me, he is all man and has more testosterone in his little finger than I have in my whole body. Sometimes I catch him looking at me in disgust as I pop my pinny on and rustle up a batch of scones.
On Max’s 1st birthday whilst the little girls were blissfully happy playing with their dolls, Max was disgracing himself and the family name by poohing in the paddling pool. Girls don’t do that.
Bath time for Max is not about getting clean, it is not a time to sit back and enjoy the soothing warm water and aromatic fragrances of the bubbles. Bath time is for poking, prodding, stretching and generally interfering with ones doodle (we opted to go with doodle, other options include; tinkle winkle, dingly dangly, dongle wongle or for the more matter of fact parent – penis). Girls don’t do that – obviously.
Whilst my knowledge of mechanics is limited to looking under the bonnet and staring blankly at its contents hoping that might magically fix the problem, Max has a thorough understanding of the components and functions of each and every toy truck he owns, and he owns a lot of toy trucks. Girls don’t do that.
At the park after Max has finished eating all of his raisins, he turns his attentions to little pellets of possum pooh, not stopping at one he will consume as many as he can get away with and then look genuinely hurt that I’ve stopped him. Girls don’t do that.
I sometimes consider what Max might be like when he is grown up, if his current habits are anything to go by he will be a trucker, who forces himself on girls, touches himself a little too often, soils himself in public and eats animal faeces – a real charmer then.
Of course none of this should come as a surprise, research shows that boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dogs tails, whilst girls on the other hand are made up of sugar and spice and all things nice.