How Soon Is Two Soon

11 Apr

How soon is too soon? well it depends what we’re talking about doesn’t it. How soon is too soon to reveal to your new girlfriend that the immaculate bedroom that you are in and have been sharing for the best part of a month is in fact the bedroom of an immaculate flatmate and your new boyfriend is in fact the proud owner of the cess pit next door, a gentleman never reveals (but more than a week, less than a month). How soon is too soon to take your new girlfriend on a holiday to Prague only to realise (at the airport, I hasten to add) you have no money in the bank and she will in fact have to fund the entire trip, in my case this was about 3 months, fortunately Anna is an incredibly understanding person and we have since married, prenups were not necessary. How soon is too soon to tell your new girlfriend that the man at the airport by the telephone is in fact your father who has come to pick you up and you should probably introduce yourself while I carry the bags, watching said new girlfriend try to embrace a complete stranger remains one of life’s absolute highlights – just over 3 months in my case but the real answer is that it’s never too soon.

I however am talking specifically about how soon is it too soon to start trying for a second child, so ignore the above examples and focus solely on that if you will. A good friend recently shared that his wife was expecting their second child. My brain proceeded to take me on a journey with 3 distinct destinations; Destination 1 was Surprise “but you already have one, what use could you possibly have with another?” closely followed by Destination 2 Contemplation “they are actually genuinely good fun aren’t they babies? Who else would jam a finger up your nostril just to see if anything happens” before completing a thoroughly shallow journey at Destination 3 Envy “I instinctively want things that other people have……….I want another one too!” I think joy and happiness were signposted along the way but it was a whistlestop tour.

I always had the notion that I wanted two children, one son and one daughter. The son is to be older and his main purpose is to scare off any prospective boyfriends that may be sniffing around his younger sister and to provide an outlet for my competitive nature (be it Monopoly, arm wrestling, etc) and a daughter whose purpose is to counteract her brother’s boyishness largely through baking cupcakes and putting on dance performances – I am halfway to achieving my fantasy family team.

There are definitely days when I have questioned whether Max will have a sister to protect from predatory boys, surely not all only children turn out to be needy and greedy with deep rooted psychological issues and psychotic tendencies? Fortunately these days are few and far between and usually occur when the bastard cocktail of baby illness and sleep deprivation are mixed. The general consensus is (and I beleive research has shown) that babies are good, great even. Max you have nothing to worry about, baby Glamour Ross will be with us soon, your purpose will be complete.

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6 Responses to “How Soon Is Two Soon”

  1. Hugh April 11, 2012 at 6:04 am #

    Congratulations, I’m sure this will be a surprise to the boss when she gets home this evening. Push on I say and look forward to the conversation, please get some video footage, should be entertaining….

  2. Hugh April 11, 2012 at 6:05 am #

    PS: nice little pun in the title….

  3. clairereid April 11, 2012 at 7:34 am #

    Hahaha – I’m sure this will be news to Anna – good luck! 😉

  4. Kat April 11, 2012 at 7:53 am #

    I was with my brother at the weekend who, very unusually in this day and age, has ten children. I was so amazed how it worked how good they all are and how much fun they have together it made me want more children!! In case it’s a consideration of yours, I find having my two is easier than one, now the first year is over, it’s just perfect…

  5. littlemumma April 20, 2012 at 7:22 am #

    I don’t think it’s ever ‘two soon’, but whenever you decide, I’m sure Max will live up to his big brotherly duties very well!

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