My Dad is a bit like a big kid. He insists on coming down the slide with me each and every time even though I am perfectly capable of executing a tummy slide all on my own. The other day he tried to dismount a swing whilst it was moving, I think he was trying to show off to the Mums, he does that a lot, it backfired massively and he sort of crumbled into a heap. Being Dad he tried to make it look like he did it on purpose but I can assure you he didn’t, he can be so embarrassing at times. We go everywhere together, most of my friends find it a bit odd that I hang out with Dad so much but I like it. He doesn’t fuss over me quite as much as Mum and sometimes he gives me a pathetic little slap on the wrist if I push his buttons, not enough to hurt but just enough for me to pull my neck in.
He does things that would make my Mummy’s blood boil, but he mostly waits until she has gone to work. He never puts a bib on me, regularly lets me eat with my hands and no matter how many times I make him regret it he often lets me run around nappy-less, the fool! He spends far too much time on the bloody computer though, I have no idea what he’s up to but judging by the withering looks Mum gives him it’s no good. I‘m sure one day he will have the cheek to tell me to get off the computer and go outside, I will simply tell him to “go swivel”
He likes to think he’s in charge but I have worked out that if I kick and scream enough (usually about 5 minutes) he lets me get away with all sorts of criminal activity. He does seem to be wising up to that of late, but I’ll keep moving the goalposts day in day out just to fuck with his head.
Meal times are a real hoot, the more effort I see him putting into the nom nom the more I like to throw it back in his face, literally and metaphorically. All of my friends get their food from the supermarket, their food is all shiny and new, my Dad insists on pulling ours from the mud and then putting it in my mouth. I am hoping this is something I am too young to understand rather than child abuse.
Of late, my Dad has taken the extraordinary step of asking me what I want to wear, I’m not even 2 for God sakes! I will continue to insist on Wellies and a cape until he stops asking me, what a Wally! I have a multitude of cars and lorries and trucks, and take great pride in lining them up in order of awesomeness. I was quite happy with one to be fair but as long as he’s buying I’m accepting. He reads to me every night, every time he thinks he’s finished I just go and grab another one, I don’t even listen to the stories I just nod and look interested, sometimes I have been known to go to bed 30 minutes late using this ploy.
I do miss my Mummy and it is quite hard watching her pedal off every morning to this place she calls work, she had better have a damned good reason for going to work! I imagine work is the most fun place in the world, better even than the park, it’s got to be for her to go every day?
Life is good for me, I certainly can’t complain. Contrary to what my daddy thinks I’m pretty much running the show, talk about blind leading the blind! One thing there is no shortage of is hugs, smiles and kisses, as much as I try and wriggle out of every embrace it does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside and they seem to like it too. I seem to be quite a well adjusted little boy, there are some real terrors at the park, you have to keep your wits about you it’s like a jungle out there. Overall I would give Daddy a 9/10, he needs to deal with his computer addiction and get out more, other than that I would tell him to hold his line he’s doing alright.