The Post PMT Post

25 Feb

I wouldn’t swear on it but I believe PMT is an acronym for Preposterously Moody Times. I think there might be some science behind it all, perhaps something to do with the way the planets are lined up or such like but don’t quote me on that. Apparently the pain is a bit like a mild stitch and every bit as devastating as man flu. Nobody quite feels the full force of PMT like a partner; friends, parents’, children, strangers all seem to get off relatively scot free, whereas hubbies head on a plate would go some way to help the pain to subside a little.

Every so often this mysterious illness rears its ugly head and lingers for an indeterminate amount of time that feels infinite in husband years. I can usually tell when it’s approaching as I go from being a mild irritant to a fairly strong irritant overnight. It takes a little time to decipher whether I’m on the end of regular every day anger or super charged PMT anger. It seems that any attempt to communicate is the catalyst for a dose of PMT anger. As the answers get ever shorter, my questions begin to dry up until communication ceases altogether.

In terms of a strategy for dealing with the pain of a period I find the best one is to hide out in the bedroom and keep quiet. I take a supply of food and water and maybe a book or the I-pad to keep me company. I surrender the rest of the house to Mrs Under, for anyone who has read The Life of Pi it’s not dissimilar to the lifeboat scenario, me being Pi and Mrs Under being the fearsome Bengal tiger Mr Parker, the main difference being that I do not attempt to train her to be submissive by throwing fish at her (she would almost certainly kill me if I did that).

Could I suggest that if you do suffer from this frightful condition that you perhaps have a code for letting us simple men folk know. Perhaps when you’re in good health and everything is tickety-boo you could wear a green broach to say it’s safe you’re in no immediate danger. Then when you start to feel a little something something happening you could pop on an orange broach that says “my lava is starting to boil, I could erupt at any moment”. Finally when your well and truly under the spell of the ‘P’, put your lovely red broach on which works on so many levels and says to us men “stay the fuck away”. We could call it the Broach Code?

The good news is that as a man who has done his best to truly understand the inner workings of PMT I will be able to pass on all my wisdom to young Max. I will warn him that despite an overwhelming urge to suggest “suck it up princess”, there will only ever be one eventual winner and that person does not have a penis. I will tell him that when you are sent out for chocolate to help soothe the pain, don’t come back with dark, milk or white chocolate, come back with all three, that way you can’t possibly have “got the wrong bloody chocolate that she doesn’t even bloody like”. And perhaps most importantly I will pass on an old saying that has been passed down from generation to generation of Ross men, “yes darling, you’re absolutely right darling, how foolish of me”.

As always linking up with Jess at Essentially Jess

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30 Responses to “The Post PMT Post”

  1. Julie February 25, 2013 at 6:06 am #

    I actually thing men (ok well Justin) suffers from PMT as well. Once a month we hide from his moods. Unlike you I do find it helps if I throw food at him. In fact the more I feed him the sleepier he gets and the quicker the mood passes.

    • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 7:41 am #

      Perhaps I’m missing a trick with the food throwing Julie? Thanks for popping in and saying hi

  2. catbeloverly February 25, 2013 at 7:53 am #

    I’m not entirely convinced I know when I’m being irrationally over angry from PMT reasons. Which is sad I know after nigh on 30 years of “suffering”. I think perhaps we should start a mood chart for the grown ups in a similar way to what we did with our 4 year old so we could track the reasons why he was behaving rather erratically and overly emotional. I do like your brooch idea though!

    • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 7:55 am #

      A mood chart sounds fantastic in theory BUT that would involve communicating and working together and that just doesn’t happen in our house. I think you might be the only one to like the broach idea ; ) Thanks for stopping by and saying hi!

  3. Sarah Mac February 25, 2013 at 8:27 am #

    Oh, I like the idea of the broach too – they have sharp stabby bits don’t they? 😉

    • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 8:32 am #

      I didn’t think of that Sarah, you can get clip on ones can’t you? That might work? Thanks for saying hi Sarah.

      • Sarah MacFarlane February 25, 2013 at 2:59 pm #

        Well you could but to be honest, the sharp stabby bits are mostly what attracts me to the idea ….

      • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

        More threats of violence, poor men ; )

  4. rickfarrar February 25, 2013 at 9:14 am #

    If you have heard this before, please forgive me: This is from my Sister-in-Law:
    “Do you know why we women suffer from PMT?”
    Shouting” BECAUSE WE BLOODY WELL DO!”

    Regrettably, following 30 plus years of trying to second guess when it will occur and what it’s effect will be, I gave up trying and just kept quiet. The Menopause period was a relative breeze by comparison.

    • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

      I’m sue Janice will thank you for sharing Richard ; )

  5. kellie February 25, 2013 at 10:36 am #

    The only thing that I find that makes PMT worse is when my husband blames my mood on PMT…OMFG…he is lucky he lives to see another day if I do have PMT and he blames PMT….I know that makes no sense but it isn’t meant to…PMT is not rational lol.

    • daddownunder February 25, 2013 at 9:21 pm #

      Glad I’m not the only one who gets death threats Kellie ; )

  6. iSophie February 25, 2013 at 10:50 pm #

    I am glad my hubby doesn’t mention it, though I am sure he is thinking all sorts of things! He also tries to walk on eggshells when I am pregnant for the same reasons.

    #teamIBOT

    • daddownunder February 26, 2013 at 1:16 am #

      Men have evolved to be quite adept at walking on egg shells I suspect. Thanks for commenting Team IBot!

  7. coloursofsunset February 26, 2013 at 1:53 am #

    I am not sure I get angry. But I do cry at anything and everything, which I think sometimes can be worse. Especially when The Mechanic says “What’s wrong?” And I blubber back, “That commercial was soooo sad!” He just rolls his eyes, which then makes me cry more. It’s bloody shit being a woman sometimes! But always better than the alternative…;-)

    • daddownunder February 26, 2013 at 5:06 am #

      Crying is the absolute worst thing for a man to deal with, if you ever want to ‘win’ just turn on the waterworks. Thanks for saying hi

  8. Kelly HTandT February 26, 2013 at 2:22 am #

    Oh dear Matt, I hope you got approval before posting that! Because if you were my husband you’d be in BIG TROUBLE. lol. My husband employs the avoidance strategy, he can quickly tell when PMT is on its way and he will not come near me for a couple of days, even trying to keep the children at the other end of the house. It’s dangerous work being a woman.
    BUT CAN I JUST SAY, the whole “no one feels the full force of PMT like a partner” is a bit of a cop out – us women feel it pretty severely too you know? Do you think we like being psycho? DO YOU? Ahem. Sorry. I’m done.

    • daddownunder February 26, 2013 at 5:09 am #

      No approval, I am blogging on the edge ; ) I’m glad that I am safely tucked away in the virtual word and didn’t feel the full force of that last paragraph : ) thanks for stopping by Kelly, always a pleasure to have you

  9. Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions February 26, 2013 at 8:41 am #

    I think one thing that many men forget is that PMT is not just an acronym for Pre Menstrual Tension but the answer (ok, one of the answers to it too. Please Make Tea!

  10. EssentiallyJess February 26, 2013 at 11:27 am #

    I always let boatman know that I’m moody and will not tolerate his usual stirring with grace. It would also be in his best interest to supply me with chocolate flavoured products. 🙂

    • daddownunder February 27, 2013 at 2:36 am #

      He’s a keeper Jess! I sometimes try and fight fire with fire, I lose

  11. Liz @ Clover Feet February 26, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    I laughed so hard at this post my husband frowned at me for interrupting his TV watching. Clearly I’m not suffering at the moment!

    I must have my husband well trained. He not only brings white, milk and dark chocolate but usually an assortment of others as well!

    I think his philosophy is any less than 5 blocks is not enough.

    • daddownunder February 27, 2013 at 2:37 am #

      I love that you loved it Liz! Sounds like you have another keeper there, I’m starting to think us blokes aren’t so bad afterall!

  12. mamagrace71 February 27, 2013 at 2:58 am #

    Bwahaha! Does Mrs Under know that you’ve referred to her as a vicious Bengal tiger???!! You are so in the dog house.
    Almost 9 years together, 3 of them married, my husband still doesn’t get what’s happening when it’s happening.
    What does it take ???

  13. Cherie (@raisingmax) February 27, 2013 at 3:36 am #

    LOL! I love this.

    I don’t get PMT, but my sister (14 months younger than I) used to get it in an almost ‘flick of the switch’ manner.

    I could have seriously used one of those ‘stay the fuck away’ brooches, which would have ultimately lead to my not having been chased around the dinner table with a butter knife when I was 15 😉

    Needed this post 15 years ago, ha!

    • daddownunder February 27, 2013 at 3:42 am #

      I think unfortunately I understood even less about it then Cherie ; ). Glad you enjoyed it

  14. Vicky Finch (@Vicfinch) February 28, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    I had a conversation post pmt with my partner two weeks ago. He was very calmly telling me how cranky and irrational I become. Thankfully, because I was post pmt, I was able to hear what he was saying, and agreed to monitor my mood, because, surely he was exaggerating 😉

    Bloody hormones. They suck!

    • daddownunder March 1, 2013 at 4:33 am #

      Its a Jekyll and Hyde scenario if ever there was one. Glad to see he picked his moment to have that chat ; ) Thanks Vicky!

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