I have an insatiable appetite for hearing other people’s stories of awkwardness, embarrassment and cringe, on reflection I guess that makes me a bit of a bastard, but that’s okay. I thought I would share with you my most embarrassing, awkward and cringe worthy moments in the hope that I can something of you.
When Max was but a few weeks and had an annoying habit of waking up all through the night I would generally do my share of the settling. One night the familiar cry goes out, I whisper into Anna’s ear “I got this one” and make my way towards the bassinet. I pluck the little man out and start rocking him in my arms. Given the fact that we were in the heart of a barmy Melbourne summer, I was completely starkers. The I started hearing footsteps coming from the other side of the house. This would be a good time to explain that my mother in law was staying with us.
I was still under the impression that Max might break if I ran so I proceeded to press myself right up against a wall. There you go MIL you can see my bottom but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give you a glimpse of the crown jewels. MIL seemed less embarrassed about the incident than I did, indeed she seemed fairly comfortable and even stayed for a little bit of a natter, with me all the while pressed against the wall as if I were trying to make a naughty stamp of myself.
So I was in a gym about to get on the treadmill, I was concentrating on untangling my headphones that had somehow knotted themselves about 100 times. So focused was I on this task that I hadn’t realised that some total douche bag had actually got off the treadmill and left it running, fast.
I stepped on it and both my feet flew out from under me, I instinctively grabbed hold of the barriers and hung on for dear life. Then I realised how stupid that was and let go. When I gathered my composure and baring in mind this played out in a busy gym full of image conscious fitness junkies, I realised I had a friction burn on my chin and nipples.
Most Cringe Worthy
Once upon a time I started a new job, it was my first day and I was eager to make a good first impression. I was being given a little tour of the building by my manager who was an attractive 30 something gal. I was doing quite well, lots of good questions, a few gags, nodding of head and interested expression when she was talking.
And then we got in a lift and the conversation suddenly dried up. I panicked. I was reaching around in my head for something, anything in fact. I noticed that we had something in common. We both sport a mole on our lower lip, the sort of mole that has led to cruel jokes about Coco Pops and such like. “I like your mole, I have one too”. WTF? Cringe.
And there you have it; I hope that gave you some grubby sense of pleasure because I want mine now! What have you got?