Most Awkward. Most Embarrassing. Most Cringe Worthy

8 May

I have an insatiable appetite for hearing other people’s stories of awkwardness, embarrassment and cringe, on reflection I guess that makes me a bit of a bastard, but that’s okay. I thought I would share with you my most embarrassing, awkward and cringe worthy moments in the hope that I can something of you.

Most Awkward

When Max was but a few weeks and had an annoying habit of waking up all through the night I would generally do my share of the settling. One night the familiar cry goes out, I whisper into Anna’s ear “I got this one” and make my way towards the bassinet. I pluck the little man out and start rocking him in my arms. Given the fact that we were in the heart of a barmy Melbourne summer, I was completely starkers. The I started hearing footsteps coming from the other side of the house. This would be a good time to explain that my mother in law was staying with us.

I was still under the impression that Max might break if I ran so I proceeded to press myself right up against a wall. There you go MIL you can see my bottom but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give you a glimpse of the crown jewels. MIL seemed less embarrassed about the incident than I did, indeed she seemed fairly comfortable and even stayed for a little bit of a natter, with me all the while pressed against the wall as if I were trying to make a naughty stamp of myself.

Most Embarrassing

So I was in a gym about to get on the treadmill, I was concentrating on untangling my headphones that had somehow knotted themselves about 100 times. So focused was I on this task that I hadn’t realised that some total douche bag had actually got off the treadmill and left it running, fast.

I stepped on it and both my feet flew out from under me, I instinctively grabbed hold of the barriers and hung on for dear life. Then I realised how stupid that was and let go. When I gathered my composure and baring in mind this played out in a busy gym full of image conscious fitness junkies, I realised I had a friction burn on my chin and nipples.

Most Cringe Worthy

Once upon a time I started a new job, it was my first day and I was eager to make a good first impression. I was being given a little tour of the building by my manager who was an attractive 30 something gal. I was doing quite well, lots of good questions, a few gags, nodding of head and interested expression when she was talking.

And then we got in a lift and the conversation suddenly dried up. I panicked. I was reaching around in my head for something, anything in fact. I noticed that we had something in common. We both sport a mole on our lower lip, the sort of mole that has led to cruel jokes about Coco Pops and such like. “I like your mole, I have one too”. WTF? Cringe.
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And there you have it; I hope that gave you some grubby sense of pleasure because I want mine now! What have you got?

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20 Responses to “Most Awkward. Most Embarrassing. Most Cringe Worthy”

  1. Mum of Five Girls... (@VeronicaNeal101) May 8, 2013 at 11:31 am #

    haha my mother-in-law would probably stay for a chat too…not that I would be walking around the house naked lol !!!!

    • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 11:34 am #

      In my defence Varonica I had just got out of bed and perhaps I should also have mentioned it was around 3am. Normally I am clothed : )

      • Mum of Five Girls... (@VeronicaNeal101) May 8, 2013 at 12:04 pm #

        Good to hear that you are normally clothed….I’ll let you off as I am well versed in the newborn middle of the night thing..albeit clothed in my case!!
        You have achieved your aim of sending us to bed with a smile…

      • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

        Yes! Sorry I just did a little fist pump. Glad you liked it and glad you no longer think I roam the house nude

  2. Loren Hahn May 8, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    I like your mole…that’s a good one!
    My awkward moment(one of many) happened one rainy day when I decided to wear boots into work in the city. On my lunch break I went to the markets being held up the top of the mall. I decided I’d buy myself some flowers. I picked them all and went to pay for them. The older gentleman then said to me,”nice boobs!” I didn’t know weather to punch him in the face or run for my life. But my facial expression must have been priceless. I didn’t say anything except stare at him for what seemed like eternity and then he said, very hesitantly, “your boots. Their nice” to which I replied “ohhhhhh. Yeh thanks!” I Berliner out of there and never went back!

    • Loren Hahn May 8, 2013 at 11:41 am #

      Oops… Beelined*

      • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 11:49 am #

        I was wondering what Berliner was : )

    • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 11:47 am #

      Poor old bloke, you try and give a gal a compliment about their boots and you get daggers ; ) thanks for sharing Loren

      • Loren Hahn May 8, 2013 at 11:55 am #

        I told my husband about it when I got home so now when ever I wear my boots I always get, “nice boobs Loren!” Don’t think I’ll ever live it down. Haha.

      • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

        Maybe he’s just giving you a compliment Loren : )

  3. Marianne Nanfra Siggs May 8, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    I think Loren may have trumped you daddownunder! Nice boobs hahahahahaha!!!!

    • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

      Happy to be trumped by Loren and her lovely boots : )

  4. Kassey May 8, 2013 at 1:31 pm #

    Hilarious, thanks for sharing.
    I seem to have repressed most of my memories from those categories. Sorry.
    (Wimp? Maybe but I’m not the one blogging so I figure I’m home free)

    • daddownunder May 8, 2013 at 9:10 pm #

      Good answer Kassey, you are indeed home free. Glad you enjoyed my offerings either way

  5. Dominique May 8, 2013 at 10:47 pm #

    On my second or third day working at Maccas (I was about 15) a famous footballer came into our store, and came to my register! I was so nervous that when I repeated his order back to him I said “shit thake” instead of “thickshake”. Then proceeded to uncontrollably giggle like the school girl I was.

    • daddownunder May 9, 2013 at 3:59 am #

      Did he see the funny side of it Dom? I suspect I would still giggle like a school girl if I did that today

  6. coloursofsunsetoha May 8, 2013 at 10:56 pm #

    I think I must block my embarrassing/awkward/cringe-worthy moments completely from memory, because I can’t think of one.Either that, or I just don’t ever embarrass myself! (RIGHT!) I think it’s probably the former. I’d prefer to not remember them! x Aroha

    • daddownunder May 9, 2013 at 4:01 am #

      Thats fair enough Aroha, I bet you’ve got some on the tip of oyur tongue though don’t you?

  7. Twinkle in the Eye May 9, 2013 at 4:07 am #

    Nicely done on all accounts Mr Under. I think the MIL experience was most cringe worthy.

    • daddownunder May 9, 2013 at 4:19 am #

      i would tend to agree with you Bree, shiver,shiver, cringe

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