Puppies vs Babies

Adjacent to our local park is a footy oval, on weekends the oval is teeming with little footy players trying to emulate their heroes but the rest of the time every man (and woman) and his dog congregate there to throw sticks, pick up poop and talk all things pooch. I do a quick scan of the park full of parents doting over their little bundles of fun, I then turn my attention to the oval were dog owners dote on their little bundles of energy. I would be willing to wager that some of those dog owners have consciously chosen puppy over baby.

I can remember when Max was a newborn and people would come over and get all up in his face doing the coochee coo thing. I can remember several occasions when we were sat outside cafes and Max would be bypassed in favour of the cute little French Bulldog or Toy Poodle at the table next to us. Some people genuinely prefer dogs to babies, which made me wonder how they compare to one another and whether we should have just plumped for a puppy.

Eating

Dogs eat anything don’t they? How nice it must be to throw something in a bowl being fully confident that it would not only vanish in seconds but it would be genuinely appreciated with begging for being a given. I will dock a point for the fact that they are fully capable of thieving the French Pastry that you thought was tucked out of reach. I will dock a further point for the foul stench that is dog food.

Babies are a little more high maintenance; most of what is fed to them is deposited on your shoulder. They like their milk straight from the nipple were as dogs are happy with a carton. Dogs are a little more self sufficient and don’t need spoon feeding although I’m sure some of the more indulged dogs may still get ‘spooned’. I will add a baby bonus point for the fact that some of the baby food pouches make for genuinely delicious snacks.

Puppies – 8 Babies – 7

Sleeping

I know all babies and all puppies are different but this has to be a big win for the puppy doesn’t it? You don’t often hear dog owners complaining about sleep deprived nights at the mercy of dream feeds, ear infections, dummy spits, teething, wet nappies, big bed envy, etc. A dog might be guilty of sticking their private parts in and around your face as a wakeup call or giving you a friendly lick but by comparison they are angelic.

Puppies – 9 Babies – 3

Pooping

There are pros and cons for both babies and puppies in this area. I have dog sat and I really do not like picking up the doodoo. With a baby you just wipe and dispose, but with canines there is a textural thing about actually touching it with nothing but a thin layer plastic between hand and pooh. Babies however are more prolific, they seem to churn out wee beige jobbies like they’re going out of fashion; I seem to remember getting through about 15 nappies a day in those early parent days.

Sometimes though puppies overstep the mark when it comes to self sufficiency, a baby will happily let you wipe up after them but in trying to be helpful a dog will gladly drag his bottom along your carpet without consideration for its colour or cost. Whilst neither job is particularly fun the clincher for me is the smell and dog pooh makes my eyes water.

Puppies – 6 Babies – 7

Givers of Joy

Puppies don’t have to work particularly hard to give joy, they are universally cute to look at and you would be hard pushed to find a puppy no matter how bizarre the breed that does not make you smile. They are man’s best friend, the ultimate loyal companion and to the best of my knowledge no baby has ever been described in such a way. Babies lack loyalty, they pretty much gravitate towards the person with the most milky nipple.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get Max to fetch a stick, roll over or give me his paw/hand. In fact I couldn’t get him to do anything I wanted him to, don’t tell him I said this but he used to bore me to tears. 1 puppy point is docked for their propensity to chew furniture and look pleased with themselves.

Puppies – 9 Babies – 6

Total Scores – Puppies 32 Babies 23
There you have it, anyone considering having a baby, perhaps you might want to get a puppy instead as my evidence conclusively proves that puppies are better than babies.

Flogging my blog with Grace at With Some Grace

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