Things I Thought My Wife Was Saying To Me…..That Were Meant for our Toddler

14 May

For nine years it’s been all about me. If a bottom was being complimented it was a fair assumption it was mine (unless there was a rugby match on the telly), if a meal was being offered I was the most likely benefactor. But there’s a new kid on the block who has stolen my thunder. The addition of our plus one has seen me reply to many questions intended for The Boy.
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“You sit there and watch Peppa Pig and I will go and get you a drink”

It’s fine I’ve actually watched all of the Peppa’s, the next one is not out for a couple more days. I’d love a gin and tonic though with a squeeze of lime.

“Quickly pull your trousers down”

Oh you mean him, sorry of course, excuse me I’ll just do these back up.

“You have THE most delectable bottom in the whole world”

Thank you very much Mrs Under yours isn’t too bad either. You don’t think it’s too……ah you’re talking to Max aren’t you?

“Dinner time! What would you like?”

Ooh this makes a nice change! How about that lovely spaghetti dish you did that time with prawns and chilli?
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“That outfit looks amazing on you. All the girls are going to be checking you out”

It’s just something I threw together, it was literally the only clean thing in the wardrobe. And don’t you concern yourself with other girls, you know I only have eyes for you. Hang on why are you walking away?

“Stop poking and prodding your doodle or else it’s going to drop off”

I wasn’t poking or prodding, I was making a minor adjustment. Is that true that it can drop off?

“Come on off to bed with you, I’ll tuck you in and read you a book”

But it’s only 7:30pm? This is when I like to collapse on the sofa and complain about the dire state of Australian television shows. Unless of course it’s a steamy Jackie Collins title you’re offering? You weren’t talking to me were you?

And so most weeks for the briefest of moments I get my hopes up that I may be the beneficiary of some Max treatment. Slowly I am learning that I have slipped down the pecking order and I now occupy a place somewhere between the goldfish and Max’s Thomas the Tank Engine collection. It’s taken me 33 years to get here but I think I have finally arrived at the realisation that it’s not all about me.
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Does this sort of honest misunderstanding take place in anyone elses households or is it just mine? Can anyone add to the list?

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24 Responses to “Things I Thought My Wife Was Saying To Me…..That Were Meant for our Toddler”

  1. jasonbladd May 14, 2013 at 3:35 am #

    Hilarious!

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 3:41 am #

      That is exactly the sort of comment I like Jason, please keep coming back for more : )

  2. Wendy May 14, 2013 at 4:33 am #

    You crack me up! How about – “Do you really have to rub your dinner in your hair? “

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 9:37 am #

      Thank you Wendy, you’re very kind. Hopefully I would know that she wasn’t saying that to me although I can be a bit messy

  3. Slapdash Mama May 14, 2013 at 8:41 am #

    Bahahahaha! Hahaha! Oh dearie me you are very funny!

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 9:55 am #

      Thank you Slapdash, we love a bahahaha followed by a hahahaha! Glad you liked it.

  4. onemumsadventure May 14, 2013 at 10:05 am #

    See now knowing that you would happily choose Peppa Pig over nighttime tv says a lot about the state of the shows here(which are all rather crap unless your watching ABC,then your going to find something)!I laughed a lot,mostly because my husband could relate with you.Wait until you guys have a daughter(if you do I should add),then the shoe can be on the other foot!

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 11:53 am #

      You sound like Anna with all this “wait until we have a daughter business” – I’ve made no promises!

  5. Annaleis from Teapots and Tractors May 14, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    I took my kids to school today and they were lucky enough to watch TV before – I came home and listened to ‘kid shows’ for another 2 hours! But hubby often tries for a kiss when I’m asking the kids for one!

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 11:55 am #

      Cheeky bugger, I hope you turn you turn away and leave him hanging : )

  6. Kevin May 14, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    Played Matt, well played

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 11:59 am #

      Thanks Kev, for a moment there you sounded like my old junior soccer coach, I came over all nostalgic. Could you say “good try lad, come off and give someone else a turn” just to complete the momory?

  7. Catherine Rodie Blagg May 14, 2013 at 11:43 am #

    Oh you make me laugh! brilliant stuff.

    • daddownunder May 14, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

      Thanks Blagg you’re not so bad yourself, lovely to have your presence

  8. Zanni Arnot May 14, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

    We always joke that children are 1 & 2, Mummy is 3 and Daddy is way down the bottom at 4th most important in our family. But don’t worry, I am sure you’ll get back to number one when Max has moved out of home 🙂

  9. Mrs D May 14, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

    Love it!

  10. Talking Frankly May 14, 2013 at 10:08 pm #

    I have two daughters aged 1 and 2 and my husband still gets the raw end of the deal – the language of love can be genderless so often he’s replied to something to find me giving all my attention to the babies. Anything about doodles though is probably directed at him 🙂

    • daddownunder May 15, 2013 at 4:01 am #

      Its an easy mistake for us poor hubbies to make, we’re simple creatures after all. Even ‘doodling’ pictures though can be troublesome

  11. Have a laugh on me May 15, 2013 at 12:05 am #

    YOU ARE A CRACK UP! Love this, clever idea and I’m sure my hubby feels the same way! Tanks for the laugh – Em x

    • daddownunder May 15, 2013 at 4:02 am #

      Love that you laugh so much Em, its a good habit to have. Thanks for coming back for more.

  12. Carly Jacobs (@ladysmaggle) May 15, 2013 at 2:25 am #

    This was HILARIOUS! Love it. I had the same thing with my best mate staying with Mr Smags and I every time I said ‘Hey babe?’ they both responded. Must work on my over use of pet names… what do you think petal?

    • daddownunder May 15, 2013 at 4:06 am #

      I quite like petal, they smell nice and they’re delicate. That is basically me in a nutshell.

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