“Who is good with men?”
“Well I am but I don’t think you mean it like that, do you?”
This was the first exchange that I had with my new camp coiffeur and it set the trend for what followed. I rang up to find that my usual girl was on maternity leave – so that’s what that big bump was that kept pressing against my ear! The relationship between stylist and this particular Dad is a cherished one, you have to go through a few duds before you find ‘the right one’ and you feel a bit let down when they selfishly leave you to give birth and raise their child.
I suspect Kylie (I’ll call him Kylie because I’ve since learnt he’s a big fan and was highly impressed that my first ever album purchase was ‘Locomotion’) was trying to shock me but I like a challenge so I took him up on his offer, to cut my hair that is. I’m quite partial to a haircut, even more so since I’ve been doing the stay at home thing. It feels thoroughly indulgent to sit in a nice cosy chair for half an hour and talk about you.
I turned up at the salon, flicked through the men’s magazines I was presented with and did what I always do – I looked at all the photos to find the best looking bloke and then convince myself that if I ask for my hair to be cut like theirs then I’ll look like that. A bald man in a tight fitting t-shirt and designer stubble saunters over towards me, I don’t trust bald hairdressers, it’s like a naturist designing clothes, no?
“You’re mine sweetie, come with me”. I have never been to a brothel but I suspect that is the sort of thing you may hear if you did. I took up my seat and sat patiently while Kylie ran his fingers through my hair, first one way and then the other. “What can I do to you?” he said with a devious smile. “You mean, what can I do for you. A haircut would be super”. I am the world’s worst person at answering this question, I usually throw out a fairly abstract word and hope that they are able to interpret exactly what I mean. Previous responses have included, “I want to feel like I’ve got my money’s worth, I want to look more attractive to the opposite sex and mine and their favourite “do whatever you like”.
Today’s word was “dapper”. Dapper seemed to please Kylie, he’s quite ‘fierce’ and he doesn’t like to display his pleasure but I could see the faintest hint of a smile when I said it. “Go with Stacy and she’ll get you wet for me”. Is he always like this? It’s really, really nice having someone wash and massage your head but it’s often a 16 year old girl which makes me a little nervous. So rather than closing my eyes and giving in to it, I fight it with all my might and make inane conversation about how long she has until she is trusted with a pair of scissors and which member of One Direction is the hottest.
“So what do you do when you’re not flirting with me?”
“I’m a Daddy Blogger and stay at home dad”
“A whatty whatter”
“I write about being a Dad and whatever else might interest me”
“Are you going to write about me? You can’t use my real name and if you say anything about me that isn’t fabulous I’ll shave “bastard” into the back of your head”.
“If you start reading my blog and don’t leave any filthy comments then I will dedicate one entire post to you and your fabulousness”.
As well as using every innuendo in the Complete Works of Homo-Erotic Innuendo Volumes 1, 2 and 3, he made me laugh. I’ve had stylists literally force themselves through gritted teeth to ask “are you going anywhere on your holidays?” so this made for a pleasant change. As for the haircut, there is a very fine line between the Dapper look and the Communist Russia look, but Kylie I think you pulled it off (that’s a terrible turn of phrase to use around you).
Have you got any hairdresser experiences you’d care to share, from the fabulous to the not so fabulous? Oh and don’t forget to say hi to Kylie.