Fancy a Fight Gwyneth?

1 May

Talented, rich and smokin hot Gwyneth Paltrow has got the lot. She does have her flaws, she does a shocking acceptance speech, I probably wouldn’t trust her to name any of Max’s future siblings and The Pallbearer was shit. But on the whole she is ticking lots of very good boxes. For the entire male heterosexual population of the universe she has just got a giant red permanent marker out and finished us off with a big beautiful tick.

Gwynny’s advice to a friend who was not sure how best to handle her husband after a big fight was “just go at him with love and you give him a blow job.'” And I would personally like to thank that friend for sharing Gwynny’s relationship advice with the entire world. It puts a whole different slant on the saying “suck it up Princess” doesn’t it? Marriage counsellors are wincing at the thought of being permanently out of work and I’m not sure that many feminist groups would subscribe to GP’s relationship advice.
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And this is what Gwynny does when they are fighting, can you imagine how much love this women has got to give on their anniversary or his birthday? The mind boggles. If I was Chris Martin I would be spoiling for a fight, regularly. “Gwyneth what on earth were you thinking when you dressed Moses this morning he looks ridiculous and don’t even get me started on Apple”. That ought to do the trick!

Mrs Under comes from an entirely different school of reconciliation. I dread arguing with my wife and go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it, “yes darling, your right darling, how silly of me” is my stock defence mechanism. When I do go into battle I do so knowing that I am in grave danger and I may not emerge unscathed. The argument itself may be over in minutes but we can remain in post argument silence for days after. I think I am usually the one to crack and apologise for whatever I did but let’s not argue about the details…..unless of course you’re reading Gwyn?

I will leave you with this image. Two blokes down the pub enjoying a quiet beer;

Bloke 1 – “I had to get out tonight mate me and the missus were having a massive blue”

Bloke 2 – “Do you mind if I offer you a little bit of advice? I don’t want to tread on your toes mate but if it were my wife, I would go at her with love and go down on her. Do you want another bag of chips?”

Image sourced from Zazzle

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19 Responses to “Fancy a Fight Gwyneth?”

  1. Leigh V (@sixbythebay) May 1, 2013 at 11:14 am #

    If I were married to Chris Martin, I would do the same……………… 😛

    • daddownunder May 1, 2013 at 11:21 am #

      Yes I suspect the rock star bit does help : )

  2. Kevin May 1, 2013 at 11:15 am #

    Best blog picture ever

    • daddownunder May 1, 2013 at 11:22 am #

      Happy to take that title Kev, I have a little speech prepared actually

  3. cin May 1, 2013 at 11:27 am #

    geeze i thought that was how every woman got her own way 😉

  4. onemumsadventure May 1, 2013 at 11:39 am #

    I can’t stay mad at Nick,he just bloody smiles at me and starts making stupid noises until i crack and start laughing.In his eyes,all is forgiven.That is surely a fab picture that hides no innuendos at all.
    I no longer take what Gwyneth says under the belt after she named her kids.
    Too bad Nicks away and can’t read this one.I think he’d love it!

  5. mumabulous May 1, 2013 at 11:54 am #

    Coming at it from an investment perspective, she makes a compelling case. Its a five minute investment of the wife’s time which will immediately shut down an open ended period of bickering. The subsequent good mood may be manipulated into a leave pass or some retail cashola. This is only a theory – Dadabs and I never fight.
    PS: The whole thing is apt because IMHO Cold Play suck.They and ironically Pearl Jam are the most over rated bands in history.

    • daddownunder May 1, 2013 at 11:58 am #

      5 minutes??? About 10 seconds for Gwyneth I would think. Your right it would allow for quite alot of leverage. Do you guys really not fight, surely not?

  6. Mrs P May 1, 2013 at 12:35 pm #

    *deleting history from cache so there’s no chance of husband finding this post*
    Great pic, terrible advice.. If a friend gave me that advice I believe my response would be “Blow me!” #notliterally

    • daddownunder May 1, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

      I don’t think your alone and your right to keep this post away from the prying eyes of hubby

  7. Dominique May 1, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

    Way to avoid the problem Gwyneth! That’s gonna make for a healthy relationship in the long run… Not. Some fight just have to be had. If you don’t end the fight properly then what happens to make up sex? Or does it just become ‘avoidance foreplay’?

  8. Kim May 2, 2013 at 1:01 am #

    I’ve read Gwyneth also said ‘you fall in and out of love through marriage but you just keep going’. She’s sure got a military-style approach. That weapon she shoots? Well… maybe it wins battles in her castle, but it’s not for me. I like your finishing line Matt, but too many times have I stormed off from an argument saying ‘Bite me!’ It could end badly.

  9. Caz Makepeace (@MojitoMother) May 2, 2013 at 5:29 am #

    Since meeting you last week Matt, I now have to bake and BJ on alternate Wednesdays and now whenever we fight.

    I don’t have the jaw structure for this 🙂

    • daddownunder May 2, 2013 at 8:48 am #

      It’s not me Caz, don’t shoot the messenger! I bet Craig is pretty pleased with developments though ; )

  10. Miss Cinders May 2, 2013 at 5:40 am #

    Hahaha! I thought a man would be scared his wife would chop it off if she went near his manhood whilst in the midst of marital *heated discussions*. I know OgreDad would be scared… very bloody scared! lol

    Wife: “Hunny would you like some felatio so we can make up and stop arguing?”
    Husband: “Hell yeah, that’s a great idea”
    Wife: “Here, hold my meat cleaver while I undress…”
    Husband: *WTF face*

    Men of the world, bad idea. You just never know how cranky your wife is. And from what I hear, you guys like your manhood. A lot.

    MC.

    • daddownunder May 2, 2013 at 8:50 am #

      I wouldn’t want angry felatio personally. I’m with you, sounds dangerous!

  11. Lara @ This Charming Mum May 3, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Suck it up Princess! Ba ha ha. What does ‘go at him with love’ even mean? Great post 🙂

    • daddownunder May 3, 2013 at 9:28 am #

      I embraced my inner immature teenager for this post. Glad you liked it Lara and no I don’t know what that means either

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Caught My Eye Friday – Sexy Dads & Lounging Ladies | the illiterate infant - May 2, 2013

    […] all the fuss about Gwyneth’s miracle argument cure (well played Matt from DadDownUnder), Mariah Carey shutting down Disneyland to renew her vows and the fact that double denim is now […]

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