How to Parent Like a Dad

31 May

Given that Mrs Under and her feminine ways are at work Mon-Fri I see it as my duty to inject a little bit of Mum into my daily Dad grind. I try to be Mummy and Daddy or Dummy? That means copious amounts of kisses and cuddles. It means baking together, singing songs, passing on my dance moves and making sure his outfits pop because all of these things would happen if my good lady was on the job.
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But surely ladies this is a two way street, you could all be Dummy’s too by putting some Dad into your Mummy manifesto’s. But what does it mean to parent like a Dad I hear you cry, fear not I have compiled a comprehensive list that will help you on your Dummy way.

The little packed lunch box that is packed full of delicious goodies the night before by Mummy is to be shared with a 90/10 split with the lions share going to Daddy because in our eyes we are lions.

All household chores will be condensed into the 5 minutes before your other half gets home, 10 minutes if you’re really trying to impress them.
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You will learn which of the local Mums packs the best snacks and hang around them in the hope they will take pity on child and feed them too.

You will ignore the two and a half hour day sleep rule that your other half has imposed and milk that sucker for all its worth (my record is 4 hours 10 minutes).

You will learn to block out that voice that says five back to back episodes of Peppa Pig is four too many, you will even convince yourself it has educational value.

You will throw your child, it doesn’t matter how or where, you just will.
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You will insist on telling your other half how tough your day has been the second they walk through the door, you will then throw your child in their general direction, put your feet up and demand a cup of tea.

You will seek acknowledgement for the chores that you have completed, albeit half heartedly. “Did you notice that I washed up my cereal bowl and left it on the drying rack, impressed?”

You will spend every waking hour in the park, from the time you get up until the time you can’t actually decide when to push the swing because you can no longer see it.
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Any bumps, scrapes or falls are met with a GIE (generic injury response) – “get up and dust yourself down”

You will work on the key phrases to aid their language development – “I didn’t do it” and “it was him” or “Daddy is the best”.

If you feel anxious that your other half is on their way home and that they might have grounds to crack the shits for some reason or other, you will instruct your child to run towards them as they are opening the door screaming “I Love You”.

You will spend a disproprtionate ammount of your time teaching your child to high five, blow kisses and wear sun glasses.
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You will interpret and make use of the stroller’s water bottle holder as a piece of design genius, whoever thought to combine stroller and stubby holder is a legend.

You will come up with slogans like “a muddy child is a happy child” and “bruises = adventure” to make yourself feel better.

You will look for shortcuts in everything you do, why bother walking all the way to the bedroom to get a hanky for Max when he had two perfectly good hankies attached to his jumper also known as sleeves.

You will abandon any concerns of what the other parents think in favour of showing your child a damned good time; nothing legal is off limits.
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There you have it, if you Mums can sprinkle some of these techniques into your parenting day you too can give your child the best of both worlds and parent like a Dummy. Have you picked up any parenting techniques from the Daddy in your house? Dads do you have anything to add to the list, what did I miss?

Flogging my blog with Grace at With Some Grace

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31 Responses to “How to Parent Like a Dad”

  1. Neets May 31, 2013 at 12:57 am #

    Love it…I hate to admit it but in our house daddio is more domesticated than mummy. And he works full time too! So much so that last night, our littlie deliberately knocked over the wine rack. We heard an almighty bang, came running out & Mr J started crying because there was too much dust on the wine rack & that’s why he knocked it over. Hea been watching daddio cleaning on the weekends. Take my hat off to you! I gave up on the sahm gig after just 9 weeks….

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 1:27 am #

      Glad you enjoyed it, is Neets short for Aneeta? Hats off to your hubby, there is no danger of my boy ever getting upset by the mess : ) Thanks for stopping by

      • Neets June 1, 2013 at 12:12 am #

        Neets is short for Anita…you were close 😊

  2. Wendy May 31, 2013 at 3:55 am #

    You forgot the bit where you get down on all fours and pretend to be an animal and chase child around the house while child giggles their head off and gets all hyped up – just before bed…. or is that just my hubby?

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 4:01 am #

      Not just your hubby you’ll be pleased to know Wendy, who doesn’t love a bit of horse play just before bed?

      • Wendy May 31, 2013 at 6:51 am #

        Glad to know we are not alone 🙂

  3. Aaron May 31, 2013 at 4:06 am #

    Man, That’s my Daddy style right there, even Wendy’s suggestion. But, because my wife works from home, I generally get to chase Devon around her feet and under her desk.

    And how do you get 4 hours sleep in? I’m lucky if I can get him to sleep for one!

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 4:11 am #

      “And how do you get 4 hours sleep in?” – a combination of running him ragged and luck, definitely cant claim any credit unfortunately Aaron

  4. Zanni Louise May 31, 2013 at 4:15 am #

    Gee I wish I was a stay at home dad. Sounds awesome. My children never slept more than 40 min at a time! Husband and I share care and home duties. We are pretty even in the cuddles/dish washing department. The only draw back is my daughter accidentally calls him Mum. So we call him MummyPoppy.

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 4:57 am #

      And I’m sure he loves that Zanni, you’ll have to start calling him it in front of his mates : ) Yes I have been blessed with a very good sleeper, I would love to sleep as much as he does

  5. mamagrace71 May 31, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    Tickle them till the screaming with laughter. My husband does it to the point I think they’re about to cry. But they always come back for more!
    I’m sure my husband’s trained the boys to run up to me and say, “I love you” when he thinks he’s going to be in trouble LOL!

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 9:53 am #

      I can remember my Dad tickling me to that point, he would also dunk me at the pool until I felt like my lungs would explode. We’re a funny old bunch us Dads. Thanks fo stopping by Grace

  6. Janet Dubac May 31, 2013 at 10:13 am #

    This is amazing! I enjoyed reading it so much! I have to admit that I think my hubby does it better with my little boy. He is really impressive when it comes to this and I never even expected that. 🙂

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 10:23 am #

      It’s nice when husbands can surprise you in pleasant ways Janet : ) glad you enjoyed it and thanks for stopping by

  7. Emily @ Have a laugh on me May 31, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    DEFINITELY agree with the rush around at end of day and say day was crapola even if it wasn’t too bad! And a 4 hour sleep – JEALOUS!

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 11:47 am #

      Luck of the draw Em, funnily enough he is less willing to sleep at night

  8. Julie May 31, 2013 at 11:42 am #

    We, my daughter and I constantly throw Jarvis. Or play catch with him. Throwing him from a distance from one to the other. My daughter also likes to play a game called sweep the floor with Jarvis. Imagine child hanging upside down, being swung in a circle, hair sweeping the floor. Justin (the Dad) gets freaked out by how rough we are with him. So we are teaching Jarvis to jump at daddy. Jarvis will now jump off any high surface at Justin. So maybe I have more than a touch of Dad in my Mum parenting style.

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 11:48 am #

      You sound. Like a total dummy already Julie, if you now what I mean. The Dad is strong in you

  9. Mum of Five Girls... (@VeronicaNeal101) May 31, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    LOL huuby will usually call when he leaves work so a quick calculation of his ETA and I can fit in a bit more computer time and ensure that the 10 minutes before his arrival is a cleaning frenzy…and always have tea towel, vacuum or other cleaning apparatus in hand as he opens the front door!!
    I also always employ GIE (glad to now know its ‘official’ name…thought I was just lazy!!)…..actually have even applied it when the outcome was a broken bone….hey live and learn !!!
    Parenting like a daddy would have to include denial from said daddy that they can smell number 2’s in a nappy…..we all know it’s finders…changers in the nappy department!!

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 11:53 am #

      Plenty of Daddy in your style already by the sound of things. The number 2 denial definitely should have made it onto the list, I missed one there. Thanks for commenting

  10. cranky old man May 31, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

    Do not try and explain why they can’t have something they want when you don’t want to get or do it. The phrase, “That is not going to happen!” works wonders!

    • daddownunder May 31, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

      I will add that one to my repertoire thank you very much

  11. MrsD June 1, 2013 at 2:28 am #

    Oh Matt this is too funny!! Mr D NEVER reads blogs and I sent him this post and he loved it. He even told me to take note!!

    • daddownunder June 1, 2013 at 3:28 am #

      That’s very high praise indeed, thank Mr D on my behalf. Not sure you’ll learn anything from this blog though : )

  12. Naomi @ Not Just A Mummy June 2, 2013 at 3:48 am #

    This is gold. Love it. I also use GIE regularly and am constantly coming up with slogans along the lines of ‘you can never have too many fish fingers (think of the omegas!)’ and ‘By not changing this breakfast covered shirt, I am doing the environment a favour’. The daddy in our house is responsible for all manner of simulated wrestling moves and football education, neither or which are me forte.. Though I HAVE given a body slam a go but failed miserably..

    • daddownunder June 2, 2013 at 6:21 am #

      Sounds like your already a bit of a dummy Naomi – fish fingers and wrestling is a dream combo for any boy. Thanks for stopping by.

  13. Mumabulous June 2, 2013 at 4:10 am #

    How about sticking your child in front of YouTube for indeterminate lengths of time (on the their father’s computer ) in order carry on with the vital business of blog reading? Make sure you blast through your monthly broad band limit. (No mean feat when your spouse is a software developer)

    • daddownunder June 2, 2013 at 5:44 am #

      It takes a long time to source all that crumpet Mumabulous, I’m sure they both understand : )

  14. losingmylemons June 6, 2013 at 8:14 am #

    You do realize you have busted Dads world over…? LOL

    I must admit I am with you on the “All household chores will be condensed into the 5 minutes before your other half gets home, 10 minutes if you’re really trying to impress them.”

    So funny and also scarily similar to my parenting skills… :/

    • daddownunder June 6, 2013 at 8:30 am #

      Another honorary Dummy by the sound of it ; ) I sold the Dad’s down the river along time ago

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  1. The 5 on Friday! 31-05-13 - May 31, 2013

    […] Down under two weeks in a row. How to parent like a Dad. I enjoyed this post – It’s amazing how similar we all are! You should be very proud […]

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