It’s always nice to receive a reply to a post, it’s very special to know that someone has taken the time to express an opinion on what you had to say good or bad. I read all comments, approve all comments and endeavour to reply to them all too. In the early days when I first started answering to daddownunder I received a comment, the only comment I have ever not approved and instead flicked straight to trash.
The comment came from a Mom blogger, a Mom blogger from across the pond and a Mom blogger with a healthy following. This particular Mom blogger wished to express her belief that a Mom knows best, a Mom can give a child thing’s that a Dad can’t and that in her opinion the Stay at Home role is best suited to the female of the species. She phrased things in a friendly manner and it was in no way aggressive or malicious she was simply expressing an opinion.
At that stage I was still a wet behind the ears rookie stay at homer stumbling through what was a steep learning curve. I had seen what a great job Mrs Under had done with Max and part of me doubted whether I would be up to the job. This explains my decision to block the comment rather than respond.
I am now cruising towards veteran SAHP status and am not easily phased in the parenting arena; blood, pooh, wee, spew, tantrums, teething, bathing , cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing – bring it on I can take you all. I no longer feel threatened by that particular comment and would like to belatedly respond if that’s okay?
Dear Mom,
I love my little boy more than anything. I get him out of bed each and every morning and greet him with a kiss, telling him I love him. I devote my energy to giving him a day that is rich in play, creativity, learning and love. If he is hurt I scoop him up in my arms, ask him where it hurts and kiss it better.
When he is sick, I feel sick too. Sometimes the only cure for his illness is a cuddle on the sofa with daddy. When he is missing his Mum I tell him how much she loves him and that when she gets home he will be smothered in hugs and kisses. When he is pushing boundaries I put them back and when he asks a question I always answer. Each night before I put him to sleep I tell him about all the fun things we did that day and all the fun things we will experience together when he wakes up.
When I see him smile and laugh it’s the best feeling in the world and it’s my job to make sure the smile lingers as long as possible. I’m a protector, a teacher, a friend, a nurse, a chef, an entertainer, an artist, a chauffeur, a counsellor, a story teller, a puppeteer, a toy maker, a bad comedian, a father and a stay at home parent.
Yes I may do things differently to you but the boy does not miss out on a single thing and the proof is in the smile.
Yours belatedly,
daddownunder (just another stay at home parent)
Linking up with Girl Friday Grace at With Some Grace
dad down under 
Hey there Dad Down Under, I just read your ‘Dear Mom’ post.
It brought tears to my eyes and made me proud of the decision Justin P Bechtold & I made to have him look after our precious little soul 4 days a week. Dad’s bring something very special to their kids. Great Dad’s make a HUGE difference. Well done … from the better half of …. http://fortyearoldad.wordpress.com/
That must make you Fiona. Thanks so much, I promise I don’t usually reduce people to tears but on this occasion I’m taking it as a compliment. I love being a Dad and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for your kind words
Good on you ! There’s nothing worse than someone stumbling on a huge parenting fear and feeding our insecurities. I hope ‘Mom’ can maybe be a little less judgemental when telling other parent’s theirs isn’t the right way. Sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job and you’re right about the proof definitely is in the smile. Take care 🙂
Thanks Krystle, as I say just another stay at home parent. There’s nothing particularly special about me, lots of other parents are doing the same thing. I certainly wouldn’t change it. Thanks for commenting, hope you and your family are well.
At least your child won’t be brought up to have such narrow-minded ideas about gender specific jobs and expectations. perhaps she was just worried her husband would read your blog, see how rewarding it is to be a stay at home parent, and send her off to work! don’t ever feel like you have to justify your position to anyone, though I might add you did so beautifully in this letter. Hope she reads it. x Aroha
Hey Em, your absolutely right I don’t read too much into comments, they can sometimes come over in a way they weren’t intended. And everyone is entitled to their own point of view. Love your photos by the way!
Well said. Dads play a very important role in their children’s lives & that you can stay at home with him is fantastic.
I feel all sorts of lucky Karen, even if I do have a moan on occasion ; ) thanks for commenting
Wow, you sure do know how to tug at the heart strings. Amazing writing and your little boy will be so proud of his daddy when he’s old enough to read this. When I went back to work full time, Handy Hubby had to take on the role of full time care giver for a couple of days. It was difficult on all of us but the relationship between my boys and there father now, makes my heart smile. A relationship between daddy and son is something very special, all the more so because he has a stay at home dad.
I’ll be too busy embarrassing him for him to be proud Leigh ; ) I’m really lucky Leigh, I know my wife would rather be doing what I am so I do my best not to moan too much. Thanks for the lovely comment.
What a graceful response to a less than graceful comment. I too, hope that Mom reads this post. Sometimes people say things (and I include myself in this), without thinking about how it will be received. We don’t realise that we can cut people with our words. Even when we’re well intended. I enjoyed reading this very much because you made me reflect on my own words and actions.
Hey Robomum, I’m glad you got something from it. I’ve healed up nicely and it certainly wouldn’t bother me now. Thanks for stopping by and commenting
What a wonderful job you are doing! I hope you are never made to feel inferior in the role that you and Mrs Down Under have so carefully decided you will take on for this season in life. Kudos to you!
Thanks for the lovely commentLisa, kudos is always welcome round these parts.
Beautifully written 🙂 it is hard work being a stay at home parent and I admire you for doing the housework as well as the fun stuff 🙂
Thanks Wendy, apparently I don’t do housework to the required standards but I give it a good go. Thanks for commenting.
Oh, those friendily phrased opinions about they know it best and you will fail no matter what… If it makes you feel any better, moms do it among each others too. I am pretty sure this particular mom gave similar opinions about several topics to mom-bloggers too. There are just people who think they know and do it best, and cannot accept that every child, every parent, every situation is different. I think it is wonderful that you are there for your son all the time, what a great childhood he has 🙂
Wow Poppy thank you. All these compliments will do my ego no good at all ; )
So well said Matt. While I have done the majority of stay at home parenting in our daughters life, Dave has been doing more and more of it as his work schedule has changed and he has more days off during the week when I need to work, and I honestly do think that he is better at it than me! He is so much more patience with Mia and he is much better at housework, but due to the fact he earns much more than I do, it unfortunately does not make financial sense for him to take on the majority SAHP role permanently, no matter how much he’d like to.
I think in the end, what makes you a good stay at home parent or not has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the type of personality and nature you have.
I couldn’t agree more Kylie, I’m just thankful for my lack of earning power ; ) as I always say I don’t want any special treatment, good or bad, I’m just another parent and I love it
love it!
Good on you mate. Dead set you are a pioneer. Yay for dads at home and here’s to encouraging men to take career breaks just like women have had to over the years. I just read an interesting piece in Daily Life by Sarah MacDonald about men suddenly being forced to step up to the plate parenting wise after they have been through a divorce and have to share care of the kids. What you are doing is making it easier for other families to encourage their daddies to make arrangements to care for kids too, and not to wait until their exhausted wives leave them! Keep it up!!!
Pioneer – I like it, I’m having that! I think your absolutely right though, I know couples that haven’t stood the test of time basically because Dad didn’t do his share. Thanks as always for commenting Sarah
Good for you!! My hubby would give his left arm to be a stay at home dad – it just so happens that he earns more than me and that is the one single reason that I am at home over him. I think you’re doing a fabulous job and kids need their dads as much as they need their mums. xx
Thanks Mrs D, thank goodness for my lack of earning potential ; ) I wouldn’t have it any other way.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this. You rock, your parenting style rocks and so does your super McAwesome wife and son. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise or make you disbelieve in yourself! It’s such a hard role being a stay at home parent of any gender, but moreso for a dad, IMHO.
My husband would LOVE to trade places with me except he earns the big bikkies, for now, so has to go out and work 13 hours a day, six days a week. I hope as our kids get older I can get stuck into more freelance work, so he can work less and spend more time with his ‘babies’! Em xx
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your comments! I hope you guys win the Lotto and all live happily ever after ; )
What a lovely post! Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful dad, it’s a shame that Dear Mom couldn’t see past her own boundaries to comment on that.
xx
Thanks for the lovely comment Lisa, you’re very kind!
Great post! And good on you – I think it’s fantastic what you are doing and lucky Max – the proof is definitely in that gorgeous smile 🙂
Thanks Becci -I feel very lucky indeed to play such an important part in his life
I LOVE this post. I returned to work when my Miss 3 and a half was only 6 months old, Mr O being a firefighter was able to juggle work and stay at home parenting.
Then 2 years ago we moved here to the Middle East so I could further my career and Mr O became a full-time SAHD. We wouldn’t change a thing right now but like you we have witnessed a lot of criticism, some direct and a lot indirectly (I hate those gutless comments the most).
I do not believe for a minute Mum knows best, sex has nothing to do with parenting!
I really need to get Mr O to read your blog. He is a rarity out here, we have never met another SAHD.
I’m quite lucky that melbourne is quite a progressive place and I bump into plenty of other dads doing their thing. I’m sue that’s not the case where you are, kudos to Mr O, not one but two heroic occupations!
What a beautiful letter!!! My mum does alot for me and my children, I do thank her.. but maybe I should write her a letter!! 🙂
Have a great day #teamIBOT 🙂
Hear, hear, Matt, and good on you for being not only a terrific Dad but a proud stay at home parent. Shame on the mother who so thoughtlessly cast aside the efforts of a loving parent on such a trivial matter as gender. Anna and Max are both very lucky to have you.
Always nice to hear from you Claire, especially when your saying lovely things. I hope you and the family are fine and dandy
Bloody well said Matt! Seriously what ever gave her the right to judge what is right for your family?
On and aside note, though I was sure I had liked your fb page before, I just saw that I didn’t. So sorry about that and have rectified the issue by being number 600 🙂
I noticed you were number 600, you were just holding out for the glory weren’t you ; ). Thanks for liking and commenting!
I don’t know who that “mom blogger” was but I do know one thing – she was an IDIOT. Which you have proven in the most classy manner ever with this beautiful post! In fact if you can hear a very faint cheering through your computer then that’s probably me 🙂
I thought i heard clapping, i had no idea it was you, i thought it must have been for the F1 or something like that. Thanks for commenting Rachel
Oh bless you!! That was gorgeous!
Thanks Carla I was aiming for gorgeous, glad I managed to nail it ; ) Thanks for commenting in such a gorgeous fashion
You dear Matt are a trend setter for the fathers who do what us mothers do,usually without the same praise.You are there for your son in the same way us mothers are there for our children,and you give him what his mum would,just in your own way.Women have fought to be considered equals for so long now,how about a little forethought for the Full time dads also!!!Good on you for taking the time and not responding negatively.x
And you dear Jessi are awesome! I always love hearing from you, love your new tats too
Love this, I’ve come back a few times this week trying to comment but really the other girls have said it all. A great response to a narrow minded attitude.
Thanks for commenting Kyla, its a bugger when someone else has said what you wanted to say ; )
What a beautiful post! Kudos to you for doing such a great job as a dad!
Thanks Winnie that’s very kind of you
My son IDOLISES his Daddy, & if it weren’t for the fact that Dave’s income near doubles mine, it’d be he being the SAHP, & not me.
This broke my heart, only because I can’t believe how some people are just stuck in the flippin’ 1950’s.
What you bring to Max’s life is incredible, & you & Mrs Under should both be so very proud!
As for ‘dear Mom’, her filthy comment & comments like hers are the reason I personally choose to moderate comments on my blog. There’s disagreeing with something, & then there’s just being an outright prick about how you verbalise your disagreement.
Don’t change anything, & for the love of God, I hope you’ve overcome those insecurities, because just have a look at you doing a flippin’ brilliant job!
Cherie x
Aaaawwww shucks Cherie-Anne, thank you for this and all the other words of support you’ve given me. Means a lot
Great letter, I think you’ve set the bar incredibly high for all the Dads out there 🙂
Thanks Vic, I’m sure all the other aussie dad bloggers are every bit as capable
You had me at, “Dear Mom”. Brought a tear to my eye too, just like my better half. I think people underestimate how deep the love goes for a man, especially if you we’re brought up in a household where male affection wasn’t displayed very often, or if it was up to mom to be the main child rearer. But as a new dad myself, even I’m surprised how much I love my family and I know for a fact, our little bloke won’t be missing out on anything from either of us, too. Great post.
I cant believe Ive reduced an entire household to tears. I’m glad you liked it and I feel exactly the same as you, Max wont miss a thing. Nothing special about a SAHD just another SAHP
Yes!!! I love this! But it’s completely absurd that someone could be so narrow minded about parenting in 2013! Come on, people! Get with the 21st century program!
My husband did 3 months of being SAHP (paternity leave that work offered) and he did such an awesome job, I felt overshadowed, to tell you the truth.
Every family is different too. For that mom blogger to make such a sweeping general statement makes me wonder where she finds substantial evidence for her argument.
I’m glad you liked it Grace and next time I will just tell her to “get with the 21st Century Program” ; ) Thanks for reading
Beautifully said. A child needs love, devotion, and a safe place to grow and be nurtured. Whether that is mainly with Mum, Dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles…it doesn’t matter. That is all.
Thanks Jodi, couldn’t agree more. You surround a child with love and they tend to blossom thanks for saying hi
Just beautiful! People can be just so damn nasty its foul! You are where your heart wants to be and you are clearly thriving! Im so sick of mindless, opinionated peeps. If what they say is worthwhile, then great but sadly, they are just out to be nasty and its a big fat waste of time! Well done for making a point of it. You are a great Dad! x
There does seem to be a bit of unnecessary nastiness floating around the interweb these days. Thanks so much for your kind comments Leigh, I wouldn’t have it any other way
Awesome post. Your little boy is blessed to have such a loving Dad.
Thanks Lisa, very kind of you. Love your profile pic too, lovely family.
Good for you! There is so much judgement out there it’s ridiculous. Being the parent that stays at home is the hardest job in the world (in my opinion) and good for you standing up to reply. Anyone who stays at home to care for a child/ren deserves a medal!
I’ve got massive respect for all SAHPs, its a very selfless position. Thanks for stopping by and saying lovely things